An Open Letter to Parents/Caregivers:

How to Talk to Children/Teens About Cancer

Firstly, there’s so much kindess and understanding in simply sharing our experiences. I’m not a Dr or a therapist, I’m just someone who has walked through these moments with children and families, and wants to offer what I’ve learned along the way. I’d also like you to know that there are no absolute rights or wrongs when it comes to communicating with children about cancer. Often, the words themselves are less important than letting them know you’re there for them, and that they can ask questions anytime, in any place. Each family will find its own way to adjust, and I know you will find yours, should this ever become a topic you need to navigate.

Kids just know.

One of the first things I’ve learned is that children seem to have a sixth sense when something is wrong, even if they haven’t been told. For that reason, sharing a cancer diagnosis may be better sooner rather than later, but always in small, digestible “bites.” Having more than one conversation gives children time to process, then come back with questions. Inviting them into a safe space helps them understand that cancer isn’t a scary topic to talk about, and that vulnerability is a strength.

It is heartbreaking to witness a child process difficult news. You want a magic wand to erase their fears, confusion, and uncertainty. Seeing their little faces trying to make sense of something that will change their family routine is hard—nobody likes change.

Let them ask all the questions.

From my experiences, children will often ask many questions. One common worry is whether they somehow caused the illness, or could have prevented it. While this may seem obvious to adults, children need reassurance, again and again, that they are not to blame.

Teenagers, in particular, may need even more reassurance. Their emotions are naturally up and down, and any previous arguments with the person who is ill may resurface, causing guilt or self-blame. Patience and understanding are crucial.

There won’t be anything better than a hug of relief.

Children often worry that cancer is contagious or that they must stop hugging or playing with the person who is sick. Reassuring them that it isn’t contagious, and that hugs are still very much on the cards, will bring immense relief. That first hug after sharing difficult news can feel like the best medicine. Tip: when hugging them in relief, try to be the last one to let go.

Self-expression is a beautiful thing.

Seeing children process difficult news through play, creativity, or art can be profoundly moving. You might notice more drawings, friendship bracelets, or stories, these are expressions of love and emotional processing that go beyond words. I still cherish the many creative tokens from children I’ve seen grieve, and they remind me of the resilience and beauty of their emotional worlds.

Even adults can find comfort in creativity. After losing a dear friend to cancer, I found strength in putting my heart on the page and became published. My friend once told me, “Cancer isn’t a sentence” Cancer brings uncertainties and hard days, but I promise, your children will surprise you with their incredible strength, which will help carry you through.